I promise to write more about Little Husband's birth in my next post, but for now I have to take a quick moment to tell a little tale about Santa.
Today, at dinner time, Husband strutted in from the back yard, index finger pointing high. "I was RIGHT!" he declared.
My mother and I looked up from cooing over the baby and waited for him to finish.
"I was RIGHT!" he said again. "It was Santa! I was RIGHT!"
"Er...what was Santa?" I asked.
"It was SANTA who was throwing food over the fence all this time. I caught him red-handed!"
I couldn't believe it. For as long as we've been married some freak has been throwing food over the fence for our dogs. Several times Helicopter Butt has come inside coated in spaghetti sauce or other unidentifiable substances. While the dogs are thrilled with their new found booty, (can you imagine a pizza just dropping out of the sky?), the food has caused Le Pooch Grande to have an upset stomach from time-to-time. Not cool.
When it was first happening (and Husband was blaming Santa), I argued that no rational person would do something like that. I reasoned that it must be 'coons dropping trash from the dumpster. (Side bar: Husband then chastised me for using a racial epithet. I reminded him that it's not racist if, in fact, you are actually talking about raccoons.) I refused to believe that it would be any of our neighbors, even Santa.
I didn't see what happened this evening nor did I have a chance to grill Husband for the details, but I do know that Husband was setting up the BBQ in the backyard when all of a sudden food came sailing over the fence. Husband somehow managed to verbally accost Santa which is impressive given there was an 8-foot wooden fence between them. Santa admitted to all deeds, past and present, and Husband got him to agree never to do it again. Santa even felt generous enough in spirit to congratulate us on our newborn. No mention was made of the gift that Santa has for Little Husband, thank goodness.
I am proud of Husband. In the spirit of cohesiveness, I plan to have a word or two with Santa myself. Santa loves Le Pooch Grande and I intend to let him know exactly how many times he's made her sick. Perhaps I'll even mention the $225 we spent getting the carpets cleaned and disinfected after one particularly bad episode (LPG let loose in the baby's room, of course).
Oh yeah, Santa's on my list and he's been naughty...
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5 comments:
Ahh, poor guy, he had good intentions, maybe he just doesn't understand that human food isn't good for animals, specifically ones that are not grown up on human food. The guy sounds kind of senile, I really don't think he understands. Plus, if he loves the one dog so much, maybe it was his way of showing affection in a "good samaritan" kind of way.
yeah, he probably thought he was doing a good thing, but i'm with you on this Femme. one of my neighbors gives Zeke a treat like every other time she sees him. and i ask (TELL) her not to, but she continues to, and every time, it jacks up his stomach. and that's dog treats! i can't imagine if he got ahold of a piece of pepperoni pizza. yikes!
Oh man! I would be so frustrated!! I'm sure he had good intentions, but coming from someone who has had to clean up their fair share of pet messes, that just sucks!!!!
I will say the timing is awesome, provided Santa listens! It would suck to find a mess in Baby Husband's room now!
HAHHA talk about cultural differences! When you said coons I assumed it was racoons! why would anyone, black,white or otherwise, climb inside a dumpster and start throwing food out of it?
Spaghetti... what a weird thing to throw over a fence. Can you imagine grabbing a handful of saucy, stringy pasta and launching it? Maybe he's fulfilling some kind of weird childhood food fight fantasy. ;-)
Oh, and I thought raccoons as well when I heard "coon".
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