Preparing for Motherhood

“Honey, can you do me a favor and put the wash in the dryer? I just don’t think I can do it right now.” Bent over from more contractions, I headed for the stairs.

“Where’s the wash?” Husband looked like a deer in headlights.

I turned, ready to explain that the wash was, in fact, in the washing machine but decided that Husband needed to relearn some of that autonomy he’d mastered during his bachelor days. My being a housewife appears to have rendered him slightly helpless.

“I’m not even going to answer that question.” I replied, ever the diplomat. A surge of pain seared through my hips and lower back. I started up the stairs.

Husband figured it out quickly. In his defense, he’d actually misheard me the first time.

Yes, things are tensing up around here as we await the arrival of our baby boy. Last week the baby doctor spoke of induction next week, provided my cervix shows some signs of dilation. In honor of that, I went for a 2.25 mile walk with a friend with the hopes of moving things along. What a mistake that was!

Mid-way through our walk I could feel a familiar tingling in the portion of the sciatic nerve that runs in front of my shins. Now, the tingling doesn’t bother me as it’s not painful and is really just more of a nuisance. It’s when I bend slightly and the tingling turns to a shooting pain that I get distressed. After the first mile I was walking like a baby taking his first steps. At the two mile mark I was walking like a zombie: big clomping steps with legs straight, no bending at the knees. My friend, in her infinite kindness, pretended not to notice.

I can’t help but resent my body a little for its betrayal of me. This is the first time in my life that it has refused (with a vengeance) to do the things I command of it. Even yoga, the activity I do when I am feeling lazy, leaves me breathless and fatigued. I’m mad at my body for aching when I don’t think it should ache and giving out on me after only one hour of being awake (especially after a peaceful night’s sleep!). I once read that with pregnancy you learn a whole new respect for your body. This is true.

Yesterday I woke up with some light contractions but hopped out of bed anyway to brush my hair and my teeth. The hairbrush got caught on a tangle so I jerked it slightly to undo the knot. The hairbrush held fast. I jerked the brush again but still it did not move.

“What the…” I asked myself as I leaned forward to inspect the knot in the mirror. I spied something blue. Picking up the clump of hair, I brought it around to eye level only to find that somehow, in the dark recesses of the night, a clump of blue mass got stuck in my hair. I brought it to my nose and sniffed. Peppermint gum. My first thought was that I do not chew blue gum. My second thought? Husband.

“Did you by any chance chew blue gum last night?” I asked Husband, somewhat amused.

“No,” he said, looking up from his newspaper and coffee.

“Are you sure? No blue gum? No blue breath mints? Nothing blue?”

“No—you were with me all night. You know I didn’t eat any gum or candy. Why?”

I showed him the clump of blue stuck in my hair. He burst out laughing while I busted out the peanut butter.

How the blue gunk got in my hair is still a mystery, but I figured it was good preparation for motherhood as I imagine there will be many a time that I find some foreign, icky substance attached to me somewhere. Just as long as it’s not boogers. I can’t deal with boogers.