Monday, May 12, 2008

Of Dead Rats and Dirty Diapers

This past weekend Husband and I were delighted to have M2K2 and her wonderful family visit us for a few days. I think I'm in love. Not with M2K2 nor her husband, but with her two adorable children. I mean, these kids are flawlessly sweet. In fact, after spending time with this awesome family, the terror that Husband and I felt in regards to starting a family has dissipated greatly. Why are we so terrified? Gosh, I don't know. Perhaps it's a result of all those people who seem to take a perverse delight in telling us (in so many words) that our life is going to suck after the baby is born. Yes, people really say this sort of thing and yes, they really are this unoriginal. At this point, Husband and I just laugh when people say this stuff to us. What else can we possibly do?

The second night that the M2K2 family was in town, we took a drive down to SOCO to get some food. Both children needed a diaper change which, impressively, the husband half of this duo did with ease. At one point I saw him holding the soiled diapers in one hand while looking around (presumably) for a trash can. In the confusion of getting the kids strapped into the stroller, I lost track of what happened to the wet diapers.

The next day, M2K2 came over while her husband worked. We had to hang out for a few hours because The Bug Guy was scheduled to come over and remove any dead rats from the attic rat traps. Of course, I did not tell M2K2 why The Bug Guy was coming over, and, as I hoped, she never asked.

I escorted The Bug Guy upstairs and showed him attic #1. He opened the door and the dead rat smell hit us both at the same time. I dry heaved, then told him in a low voice, "Look, I'm pregnant and I don't think I can deal with dead rats or their smells. In addition, I definitely don't want my guests to get wind of the fact that you're hauling out a dead rat. So, would you mind just walking straight out the front door once you've got it in the trash bag?"

The Bug Guy smiled compassionately. "You've got it," he said, "I'll be completely discrete."

I made my way back downstairs where M2K2 was on the floor on front of the sofa playing with her kids. From her vantage point she could not readily see The Bug Guy hauling rats out of my house. My master plan was working.

I made small talk with M2K2 while I kept tabs on The Bug Guy's departure. Soon enough, I heard him coming down the stairs. Just then, much like a Wack-a-Mole, M2K2's head popped up over the side of the couch as she craned to see what he was carrying. Now, I don't think that M2K2 has ever been called stupid in her life and from the pained expression in her eyes, I knew that she knew exactly what was in that bag. She quickly shifted her gaze to me and I just shrugged. What else could I possibly do?

Since The Bug Guy had left, we were free to take the kids on a walk around my neighborhood. I went outside to setup the stroller and encountered The Bug Guy. He was standing next to his truck, not ten feet away from me, with the rat-bag on the ground next to him. I opened up the trunk of the car as the dead rat smell hit me again. Feeling a wave of nausea, I hurriedly pulled out the stroller.

And then I spotted the wet diapers from the evening prior.

Yep, lacking the convenience of an outdoor garbage receptacle, M2K2's husband was left with no choice but to stash the soiled diapers in the trunk of their rental car. It turns out that after several hours festering in the Texas heat, dirty diapers smell surprisingly similar to dead rats. I pulled the diapers out and threw them in our garage garbage cans.

Poor Husband has no idea what "that awful smell" is.

9 comments:

blog author said...

you should have entitled that 'the weekend of smells' :)

i loved M2K2 and her hubby and kids too. it was so sweet to see Ron playing with them. especially Hungry Hungry Hippos!

i can't wait for them to move here! (hint!hint!)

oh, and glad you got that rat out of the attic. yikes.

Anonymous said...

Ewww, that must have been unpleasant. I'm still trying to find those scented diaper disposal baggies, they help the smell a lot.

kay said...

i gagged just reading this.

Anonymous said...

yes your life will suck after the kids come but thin how much better my life will be! I will have another cute nephew to play with!

Anonymous said...

lol I meant THINK not thin. Maybe the niece and the nephews will teach me to spell. All the more reason to have more!

marthamisdemeanor said...

I try to poo in my "trunk" as often as possible as to cover up the "dog" smell. Don't you just hate when houses or cars smell like dog!? :)

Knowing now that poo in a "trunk" (I have an SUV), after a warm summer's day smells like dead rat, I may just deal with the "dog" smell.. ha ha!!!

Femme au Foyer said...

BIB - we're starting with one, then we'll see. I'm still freaking out about the lifestyle change so I can't commit to anything more. Plus, I'll be 37 by the time jr. comes around. This means that I would probably be close to 40 when and if babola #2 rolls around and Husband will be close to 50! Not exactly ideal.

Kay - I gagged rereading this!

Toes - let me know if you find those trash bags!

Martha - Thankfully, the diapers were just wet. I'm sure if they contained any solid matter, M2K2's husband would not have put them in the trunk of the rental car. I was just surprised at how bad a wet diaper can smell!

K said...

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH! First, I've never been likened to a "Wake-a-Mole". Absolutely Freaking Hilarious.

Secondly, I suspect that husband and wife, would have put diaper with solid matter in the trunk as well. You may have missed this part, but husband actually planned to leave the diapers on the Mercedes parked next to our car. He thought better of that idea and decided to leave them ON the trunk lid of our car. Finally, he settled for in the trunk.

Lastly, I love your friends. Melek graciously showed Makena how to make a slinky work. Mississippi took in Kessler when Mark and I abandoned him on the sofa to get more wine and she took it in stride when he decided her boobs looked good enough to eat and well, what can I say about husband and boyfriends--hungry hungry hippo, guitars, magnet hair thingy. They were so awesome. I still can't get over Ron--he should work with kids!

Katie said...

Yeah, let me know if you find those scented trash bag things, too. Those would definitely come in handy when poopie time comes around.

For Will, not me.

Also, your life will most certainly NOT suck after the baby is born! Maybe for the first few weeks while you're both adjusting to life outside the womb, but once you get his little internal clock turned around so that he's sleeping at night instead of during the day, it's much easier! There's absolutely nothing like snuggling with your little baby. Also, you may not think that it's possible now, but you'll fall even more in love with Husband when you see the two of them together.

Your life will absolutely never be the same again, but in the most beautiful way.

I am very excited for you guys. You are both going to be fantastic parents!