Today my friend "Mississippi" and I met for our bi-weekly walk around Town Lake. As always, we were enthusiastically chattering away, minding our own business, when all of a sudden we heard a commotion on Mississippi's left. We both turned to see a man in his fifties stumble-running by. Stumble-running is when you're running and your foot catches on something, say, the back of your ankle, and the forward momentum forces you to stumble along at the speed at which you were running. This advanced form of running often entails flailing your arms 'round and 'round like a windmill.
Either time stood still or this poor guy stumble-ran for a long time--I'm not sure which. All I know is that approximately 1 billion smart-ass comments flashed through my mind, but for some reason I resisted the urge to articulate any of them. I'm not cruel, I just honestly thought that he was trying to get our attention by way of physical comedy (I blame my thought process on all the Dick Van Dyke episodes I've been watching on Hulu). Any smart-ass comment uttered on my part would have been my way of going along with the joke.
Why do events of this nature tend to happen in slow motion? It seemed like an eternity before he finally bit the trail directly in front of us. The worst part is that I *still* thought this was some sort of weird way to flirt with us. Thankfully, Mississippi has more sense than I do.
"Are you oka-ay?" she drawled. The poor guy looked up, shaken.
"I'm fine, I'm fine. I just couldn't...I couldn't stop."
Recovering my senses and noting the lack of skin on his knee, I offered my hand. "Here, let me help you up." (I've often seen basketball players do this on the court and I always thought it was a nice gesture. I was excited to be like a basketball player.)
He looked at my hand, then down to his left, then back up at me. "Uh...that's okay. I think I'll just stay down here for a while."
What--did my hand smell or something? Why wouldn't he take my hand?
"Let's go," Mississippi muttered under her breath, "Let the guy behind us help him out."
Huh? That is so unlike Mississippi. I was confused but I followed her like the follower I am.
A few steps away Mississippi said in a low voice, "His pants came down."
"Wha--what? His pants did what?"
"They came down. His pants came down when he fell."
Oh.
Glad to know it wasn't my hand.
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11 comments:
his PANTS came down?! oh my. poor poor guy. as if the humiliation of falling wasn't enough.
your "i was excited to be a basketball player" comment cracked me up!
when i read your headline i thought for sure you or Mississippi wiped out. glad it was someone else.
why do i always miss the fun walks?
I know, that basketball player line cracked me up, too! How did his pants come down? Did the wind created by his flailing, windmill arms force them to fall down? Was is past his butt? That's the mental image that I have... it's fun.
OMG how do you find yourself in those interesting situations LOL. That poor guy must have been so embarrassed.
Bah ah aha this really cracked me up! As I read about the "liked being like a basketball player" line, I expected to see the next line being: "...and I slapped his butt like they do in the NBA!"
And after reading that he was bare butted (is this a word?)... I'm SOOO glad you didn't help him up and slap...
Why is it so funny to see people fall? Wait, is that just me? I once laughed so hard at the beach when a very old lady took about 5 days to fall.. it was like leanin' tower of piza! It was like she was leaning down to go night, night! So funny! (Oh, come on people, it was soft sand and she wasn't falling fast).
I'm certain that my laughter upon reading your story can be 100% attributed to your rendition, not the poor guy with his pants down.. alright 99%.
Have you ever tried to assist someone that significantly outweighs you using "the basketball player move"? It's not pretty, especially when you are pulled down onto a man with his pants down. Oh boy! People would have thought the circus was in town!
The poor guy probably didn't realize his pants were down yet. I fell down with Makena a while ago. Someone rushed over to help me then immediately left. A few minutes later I realized that somehow, Makena's foot was stuck in the neck of my shirt. She was stretching my shirt down to my belly button. Crap!
The poor guy, in my opinion, tried to be cool about the fall as he almost caught himself on the first stumble but then momentum took over and there was no stopping him as the windmill force took him forward. I think his attempt to be cool is what made Femme think he was making a play. Anyway....on to the bare butt. When the fella finally hit the ground there was a roll motion from hip to butt so I think the force of the fall (he was on the larger size) and the gravel path catching the material of his shorts, that sort of yanked his pants down in the back. It looked like he was going to pull them up real quick but Femme and I were right on top of him offering our help so he just had to sit there with his butt bare. Poor fella.
aw man! i totally missed out on the bare butt action. bummer.
I didn't know you watched basketball! I learn so much about you from your blog.
M2K2 - That was like the time I had a young guy at work stop by to pick up a chair that I gave him. He had a bit of a "schoolboy crush" on me but I wasn't worried that he was going to try anything. As I helped him move the chair, I saw his face grow bright red. I looked down and realized that the neckline of my shirt had caught on the chair thus exposing a little more than mere decolletage. After we moved the chair, he made a move on me. I guess the shirt mishap encouraged him. Yeesh!
Anyway, Shannon, I didn't watch basketball until I met Husband. He has season tickets to football and basketball, so I generally attend the games with him. I'm not to crazy about football (FOUR hours!) but college basketball is a LOT of fun to watch! I even watch it at home now. Heck, I even watched it one Friday night by myself!
Too funny. He probably figured if you rejected him he wouldn't be anymore embarrassed than you were with your girls hanging out!
Why do they happen in slow motion AND why are they so damn funny? I swear I can not help but laugh hysterically when a person falls in public, even when the fall looks pretty serious. It's embarassing when people look at you like you're a complete insensitive ass. But it's hiliarious - am I right?
And your guy had his pants come down, too. God I'd still be out there laughing.
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