Monday, August 23, 2010

101

101 is the temperature outside. 101 also happens to be number of days that I am pregnant. Our Brookstone Wireless Weather Forecaster tells me that it "feels like 106 degrees". I wouldn't know; I've been staying indoors.

Unlike my last pregnancy, I don't find myself consumed by thoughts of this baby. In fact, much of the time I completely forget that I am pregnant. I'm not really showing (although in my honest opinion I think I look like I'm getting a beer belly) (husband disagrees but that's because he's sweet). If I lay down I don't look pregnant at all which, in my opinion, is a pretty good argument for laying around the house all day (husband also disagrees). I'm in the second trimester so I no longer have that pesky nausea that plagued me during weeks 8 and 10. I still have my maternity clothes from last time so I'm not worried about finding things that fit. In truth, most of my thought process surrounds Little Husband. I know this will change when baby #2 arrives, but still it's a little disconcerting.

Of all the weird things to worry about, I worry that I won't love baby #2 as much as I love Little Husband. Why is that? Do I not think I'll have enough love to go around? One of my more experienced friends told me to think of it this way: my love won't be divided, rather, it will multiply. That gave me some measure of comfort.

Still, just the thought of giving birth and spending a few days and nights away from Little Husband makes me sad. I've spent a few days away from him before and it was no big deal for either party, but for some reason this seems different. I will greatly miss reading him bedtime stories and tucking him in at night. As odd as it is to say, I feel like I'll be cheating on him. I know this will all iron itself out in time, but for now this is honestly how I feel. Perhaps I can read his bedtime stories to him over Skype. Not to boast, but no one reads "Barnyard Dance" like me, in fact, if you can't give me a "barnyard beat", you're not a contender. You should hear my "cock-a-doodle-doo" when I read, "Mr Brown Can Moo--Can You?". No wonder Little Husband doesn't know what an inside voice is!

For the record, I think I'm having a girl. We've already had a few sonograms and each time I beg the sonographer to see if she can determine the sex but the baby is just too small. Our next appointment is 10 days away at which time I will be almost 16 weeks pregnant. I am hoping at that time that we'll know what we're having. In truth, I hope it's another boy. Nothing would make me happier than having two little wild Indians running around the house. Naturally a girl would be wonderful too. Above all, I just pray that this baby is healthy.

6 comments:

Kelly said...

Hi!!! I should have checked your blog before I responded to your email!

Don't worry about loving #2 as much. It's just like having #1 --people can try to explain all the emotions until they're blue in the face, but you really don't get it until you experience it. That's what will happen when #2 comes along. It's really a whole different experience because so much of the first pregnancy was dealing with the unknown. Now you know what to expect. The emotions will be just as intense, but in a different way. Again, words can't describe it so I'll stop trying! :)

I miss you!

Melek said...

hey girl - i don't have any words of wisdome for you as I haven't been in that position, but I can totally see where you're coming from. You have this really strong bond with T now, and don't see how that will ever change. I'd be a little afraid of that too. But I think Kelly is right in what she's trying to say. I mean, you're one of 7, and I'm betting your mom had tons of love to go around to each and every kid. :)
You're such a great mom. And now that you have almost 2 years of experience under your belt, just imagine how great you're gonna do with baby #2! :)

The Life of Blights said...

You are hilarious. I can just imagine your animal noises while not using your inside voice:) hahahaha! Glad you're feeling better!

Tara said...

All these things you are thinking are the very same ones I was thinking when I was pregnant with #2. In fact, I bitched and moaned and snarled about my second pregnancy so much that I have started to compose a post to make sure everyone knows how much I am truly in love with my new son - because I don't think I've actually said anything about liking him yet on my blog!


I was worried about not loving him as much as I love #1, and admittedly it didn't come instantaniously. But it came, and now it's just overflowing.

I also was secretly hoping for a girl because that's what I already had and loved and knew and I thought it would make it easier if I had another. But I'm so glad he's a boy and he is who he is.

It'll all work out. You'll feel the love and you'll be happy. You already know that, I know - but it doesn't hurt to hear it from someone who is "living the dream"... haha...

TB said...

WOW! I'm really behind...how are you doing? Is it a BOY?

I think all the things your feeling are pretty normal - not that that's any consolation. I too can't imagine loving a future baby as much as I love Owen, but I also couldn't fathom the depth of what I'd feel for Owen until I saw him, so....I guess it figures itself out?

Hope you and baby are doing well!

sam said...

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